DID

POV of a mind divided into many rooms, where different selves whisper their truths and none are sure who holds the key (a person with Dissociative Identity Disorder).

This is a poem that I wrote as a collaboration with my dear friend Cass but unfortunately , he has disappeared from substack and idk why.

So, here it is. I’m posting this without you Cass.

DID

My heart is one but it beats many feelings

my soul is one but there are many faces

i am a shadow of my own shadow

my voice echoes even if there is a crowd

who folded my clothes?

who cut the apple?

who was smiling in the mirror while I held a comb?

who was there when I cried?

i am a constellation trapped in a lantern

my heart revolves around the globe like a yarn

i hear screams, which i intend not

my skin feels different everytime i wakeup

my face looks strange everytime i wash my hands

who am I?

who are they?

who screams for me while I’m silent on the day

who writes my diary, i don’t understand

each page holds a different curve vomited by the same pen

i am a mural painted by different hands

i am a vessel imprisoning many sounds

i am a choir in a dark church

each voice believing it sings alone.

one trembles like a candle in winter,
one kneels among the splinters of memory,
one hums a lullaby no one taught us,
one guards the door with sleepless eyes.

we borrow the same breath
yet none of us claims the lungs.

sometimes one voice rises in prayer,
sometimes another answers in anger,
sometimes the hymn breaks
before it reaches the roof.

and when the silence returns
none of us can say
who finished the song.

I will continue to wander,
still searching for answers,

I’ll tear through the books
and unravel my chances.

I’ll question the mirrors,
I’ll question the day,
I’ll follow the footsteps
that fade on their way.

I’ll gather the fragments
that slipped through my hands,
I’ll listen for whispers
no one understands.

until finally I remember,

who I am.
-Sanyaa

This is about feeling off in your own head like you’re there but not fully, or like parts of you don’t line up properly and you keep questioning it but don’t really get answers.

For Awareness Purpose Only:

Dissociative Identity Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder), often abbreviated as DID, is a mental health condition in which a person experiences two or more distinct identities or personality states that take control of their behavior at different times. These identities, sometimes called “alters,” can have their own patterns of thinking, feeling, and remembering.

Following are some major signs that I looked up on the internet:

1. Memory gaps: People with DID often experience gaps in memory about everyday events, personal information, or traumatic experiences.

2. Identity fragmentation: It’s not just “different personalities”; it’s a fragmentation of identity and consciousness, often linked to severe trauma in childhood.

3. Dissociation: DID is a type of dissociative disorder, meaning a person may feel detached from themselves, their body, or their surroundings.

4. Coping mechanism: DID often develops as a way for the mind to cope with extreme stress or trauma.

5. Symptoms vary: Alters may have different ages, genders, emotional states, or ways of interacting with the world.

It’s important to note that DID is real and clinically recognized, but it’s often misunderstood or sensationalized in media.

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